I don’t miss people. There, I said it. I used to think I was a mutant. Now I understand. I simply carry people in my heart in a way that allows me to love deeply, even in their absence.
The people I do miss, (if inclined) are people who Ienjoy missing. Seriously, their absence has made my life more pleasant.
Okay, I am on a roll. I confess, I also don’t have regrets. I used to wonder why. I know now it’s because I see everything as an opportunity for growth, growth that is not limited to victories — that would be too easy. Growth that is also fed by the failures and losses of life as much as its successes. Energy wasted on regrets or a missed opportunity is what I call “life waste.”
If I miss a train, it was not my train. If I don’t get a job, it was not my job. If a client decides to go with someone else, it’s not my client. If a man is unavailable (whatever the reason), he does not get my attention, ergo he is not my man. Do you follow me?
I checked. Life moves in one direction… forward. Looking back makes no sense. I am not going that way.
We often get stuck with the paralysis of looking back, while hindering the possibility of moving forward. Our emotions invite us into rooms that inspire us or trap us. Thoughts play inside our mental movie theaters, as we envision stories of triumph and truth or limitations and lies. We decide which ticket to buy. We may take a few friends as we “vent” down memory lane. As if on cue, complete with laugh tracks, they commiserate with us… but the only thing moving is our lips.
Listen, I pledge allegiance to move forward but I promise to savor life. When you don’t learn life lessons, they tend to repeat themselves with different people in new circumstances. Rather than repetition, I have given my lessons memorable titles: “Problems are opportunities,” “Death is graduation,” “The unknown excites me.” I could go on… but this is more than Pollyanna’s glad game. It is the balance between the movement of life and moments of life.
Savoring the sorrow of life could seem antithetical to moving forward. Yet, I found that embracing sorrow has strengthened my resolve. Rather than drowning in sorrow, I drench myself in sorrow. When I dry out, I reek of joy.
So I had minor surgery this week (although is any surgery ever minor?) I did what I always do — embrace the moment. As they wheeled me through the hospital, I waved at my imaginary fans. Later, I sang to a crying child also scheduled for an operation. (Yes, she was really there.) This was all before medication. Jokes aside, had I breathed my last, I would have enjoyed each moment along the way. My secret is out.
More at http://huff.to/124Gjtk
Anonymous asked: Sonya, when is it too late to develop a dream?
Not to be funny, but the only time i think its too late to actively develop a dream is when you are dead….and some dreams..continue to develop after you are no longer focused on them or even if you are gone… because they are so powerful… they reach into the lives of others.
What if? Why not? Who say?
“Relationship Status” of the American Justice system to the African American Male… its complicated. smh….
I watched KONY 2012. So What? Now What?
A Queen Never Falls If You Hold Her Up... -
A tribute to Whitney Houston. A collaboration with Bunmi Samuel.
The door flew open. Exasperated “Carrie” burst through! “He won’t let me help him!” She talked on and on about what he needed and could not see; the pending pitfalls on his road ahead and the looming doom from his choices. She had to save him from himself. To save myself, I jumped up and grabbed her backpack. “Let my bag go!” she said and pulled back. “Let his baggage go.” I said. “It’s not yours to carry.”
What’s in your bag?
We all have one. The difference between a bag and baggage is the weight of the load. A bag won’t slow you down. Baggage will. We are all traveling life’s path of possibilities. We all have potential. Yet, many struggle down the path of potential under the heaviness of emotional or circumstantial baggage tightly packed with self-inflicted labels, other people’s opinions, destructive habits, outdated situations, fraudulent relationships, uncertainty, dis-ease, world traumas and personal tragedies. If this sounds familiar, maybe it’s time to lighten your load.Come on, open up your baggage.
What’s in there?
Is it a person, place or thing that you have outgrown or that has outgrown you? It’s time to travel light. Is it a destructive habit that you must overcome to live your best life? It’s time to let it go. Is it a suitcase of labels that don’t fit the person you know you could be? It’s time to take the labels off. Is it a satchel of negative opinions so full of holes your self-esteem keeps leaking out? It’s time for repair or release. Or maybe like Carrie, lugging around other people’s baggage is your specialty. Admit it, you are tired. It is said that when misery exceeds fear, change will occur. We must learn to pack light in order to travel well.
So you know what I am doing this New Year’s eve?
I am saying goodbye to baggage. To the things that are not my size, my color or my style – the things that belong to someone else or things I have outgrown. These things were “frenemies” that I welcomed and entertained. They served their purpose and have served well – as powerful motivators. However, we have danced our last dance and now they have been invited to leave, with the courage of change and the excitement of welcoming the new.
What remains is light enough to fit into a carry-on bag — unique pieces, favorite items, useful perspectives, things I need, stuff I want, tools for life, memories I treasure, relationships I grow from… I want nothing that has to be checked in at the counter or needs to be picked up at baggage claim.
Although I have been writing symbolically, this is literally true. I never check bags when I travel. I have mastered the art of the one bag because carrying baggage can be expensive. Airlines have made billions in revenues from checked baggage, alone. There is always a cost to carry baggage that is beyond our capacity, ability or responsibility.
As we enter 2012, will we begin fully loaded or loaded down?
(Source: makemestfu, via juscallmeq)
If left alone in a room, for too long, I used to run out… screaming…. as if being chased. I was 4. Don’t judge me. I did this because I saw things. Were they really there? We don’t need to talk about that …ever…really.
Jokes aside and more importantly, this memory made me think about the fears that chase us. My overactive childhood imagination is not unlike some of our adult mindsets. Our mental movies play out horrible scenarios. Whether real or imagined, we run to and fro, from whatever we think is chasing us. No longer children, our “running” actually sounds like maturity, rationalization or “spiritualization.”
Some are literally “running for their lives” on a treadmill of fear. Afraid of the life they don’t want, some never live the life they are called to. The debt owed to this type of fear is paid with a wasted life.
I learned to stop running from shadows. I choose excitement over anxiety and adventure over apprehension. “Romanced by the unknown…excited by uncertainty…suspended by grace”... I stand and face reality.
If I miss a train, it was not my train. If I don’t get a job, it was not my job. If a man is not interested, he does not get my attention (ergo he is not my man.) If a potential client decides to go with another coach or consultant that was not my client. Do you follow me?
Energy wasted on seemingly missed opportunities is life wasted on “shoulda, woulda, coulda”. If there is a lesson in a missed opportunity, learn it and keep it moving…but don’t drag it. You can miss the next train beating yourself up over the one that just left.
Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller were at a party at a billionaire’s extravagant estate. Kurt said, “Wow! Look at this place! This guy has everything!” Joseph said, “Yes, but I have something he’ll never have … Enough.” sited from Derek Sivers, “Anything You Want”
Pay What You Want
I really like this model. I use it because, I no longer wanted money to be an excuse that limited my ability to work with certain clients. I also knew that money is a tool helping clients determine the value of the service and what they are willing to invest. I have had unemployed clients who invested in the time and ended up with jobs. It could have been easy for them to say, I will wait until I am working again.
It’s one less excuse. I grow weary of excuses grounded in our fears disguised as rationalizations. I am excited when people decide to live their dreams, count the cost and seek to make a difference.
This recent post by Seth Godin explains the economics behind it.
For me, Pay What You Want or Pay What You Can Afford sets a tone for service. It is the kind of pricing concept that honors the client, the cost and community. This is not about marketing. It’s about transformation.
It’s time to live our dreams, someone is waiting…
Perhaps entitling a post the End of Dream Development could be bad for business. Glad I am not interested in business. I am interested in becoming obsolete. I don’t want my clients to need me. I want to see them living their dreams…when they do that..it is the end of dream development. For those who are ready to live the dream- give me a call. I still dream… the post below explains this best.
oh and it is very hot in New York today. New York is the new California.
A company that sells itself as the cure.. is not always interested in prevention.
When Derek Sivers, founder of CD Baby was asked how he planned to stop the “death” of CD Baby if other musicians set up their own sites. He replied, “Honestly, I don’t care about CD Baby. I only care about the musicians. If someday, musicians don’t need CD Baby anymore, that’s great. I will just shut it down, and get back to making music.”
Seriously? This is hot! I love this!
As hard as I work, I hold what I do with an open hand because of where I place my hope and my passion. The honor of walking with dreamers is nothing less than awe inspiring, but when a season comes to an end, I keep it moving. Whether I am working with an individual or an organization, my goal is always to become obsolete. This is one way I measure success.
This does not compute to those who may be in love with their brand or expecting their organizations to outlive them.
Pause. Not all organizations are built to last.
There will come a day when Dream Development will no longer exist. Perhaps before that happens it will mature into something else. That day has not yet come.
I simply think it is wise to never become some enamored with our companies, organizations, ministries, structures etc. that we forget that they are only vehicles in which we travel… living out purpose, impacting others, building character, learning life lessons, providing for our families and creating memories. If the vocation or structure changes, the call remains.
An expiration date is often the beginning of legacy.